Why do we let others interrupt our plans for personal or firm growth?

Have you ever wanted to make a change for yourself or your firm, but kept searching online, or asking other people for their views? If so, then there is every chance that you were looking for someone or something to dissuade you.

I was recently reminded at a Firewalk event, the importance of noticing who I am talking to, and why.

Whilst a problem shared can be useful, talking to some people can make things worse. Indeed many law firm founders, consultant moves, career or firm changes, came from a sudden burst of energy and a quick decision. Often setting up without telling many people until it is done.

If you are still talking about a change, move, or growth plan, then consider this.

Recently I took part in a firewalk for Challengers (a charity that provides inclusive play opportunities for young people with disabilities). I was calm beforehand, and it was only partway through the briefing, with the FAQ’s, that I began to feel some concern. I had not even entertained all the potential things that others worried about, that could go wrong (they did reassure why it would not happen).

Once at the fire and ready to go, all nerves had dissipated again, and it was great fun.

But it did remind me that we need to CHOOSE wisely WHO we talk to AND think about WHY we are talking to people.

Here are three reasons why talking to others may not be helpful:

1. If that person has not done it (or held back from doing it), or have had a particularly bad experience, they can project their worry or anger on to you.

2. We can mistake asking for advice or support with a) asking for permission and/or b) seeking approval. This is unhelpful and we need to realise it for what it is.

3. We can be selective with what we hear, or read, to reaffirm why we do, or do not want to do something. Often the latter. Therefore notice if you are searching hard to find someone who agrees with your concern, as that tells you something about where your mind is at.

If you keep thinking about a change, and then keep backing away, then of course it can be useful to speak to others to become more informed and/or talk through your concerns. However, it might be more useful to find someone neutral to start, someone who won’t be impacted by the decisions you make, which rules out most family and close friends. Looking for someone who has done it, can also assist, providing they are balanced and do share openly some of the challenges and successes.

A final reminder. Choose ‘WHO’ wisely. Notice ‘WHY’ you are asking for advice. AND remember, those that do, rarely criticise those that are doing

And as always, if you know you need to make the change, but are struggling to make it happen, let’s talk. Click on the link to book a call.

You’ve got this, Simona